FAMILY AND CULTURE Are we drowning in someone else’s pool of ‘do’s’ and ‘don’ts’?
Hey, what’s your family like…is it the same as you grew up with? In mine, the rules were pretty much unspoken; you just knew what behavior was expected. I was subtley informed that my my father attended the University of North Dakota at age 16, graduating at the top of his class; and that my mother and aunt were valedictorians of their highshool classes. I was at least subconciously driven toward academics at the expense of social exposure and acceptance. So my family was my culture.
So, what is culture? It’s kinda like the background image on a computer. It is really a set of rules governing our behavior; but, more than that, it provides the perspective for all our thinking. Think of thsi as your personal culture…you have it even without family or social influences. But without family, your personal culture may be perfectly random because your mind seeks acceptance or belonging; then looks for and demands a touchstone.
For me, there was a sharp boundary between my family culture and the real world. I had only a little guidance outside of my bubble. I had a friend who was into ham radio. I latched onto this hungrily, entering a culture of technology and engineering. But my interests in literature, writing, and music (piano) took a definite back seat. And, I really didn’t know myself until much later. For me, I reached a point in my mid-twenties where I needed a relationship, not just friends-with-benefits.And I was lucky…very lucky. I found Mary. T chased her until she caught me.
So, back to you, your culture. How’s that working for you? Or, maybe it’s not your culture that you’re marching to. Remember the rule…if you lose your identity in a relationship, you don’t have a relationship. The same applies in a broader sense to familial and ethnic level cultures. So, if you don’t have a relationship, then why are you there, hmm?